A reaction to the viral Lubach video
From the always astute Bram from Nijmegen come the following thoughts on the eerie similarities between the US and The Netherlands. They were inspired by the video our local Today Show-tribute, Zondag met Lubach, created to welcome the US Orange-in-Chief to office.
“After VPRO comedian Lubach made a very funny video (see above) introducing the Netherlands in a style trump would totally dig, it went viral and it’s being met with an American response along the lines of “I love the Dutch, I’m moving there tomorrow.” (Please don’t!)
I would not be me if I wasn’t disproportionally annoyed by the fact that all these Americans, who I really appreciate best with an entire ocean between us, are suddenly singing praise about the Netherlands.
But the more I thought about it, the more I understand why Americans like the Dutch, they share so many things…
Dutch invented the Atlantic slave-trade, Dutch invented apartheid, The Dutch went around the world to kill brown people long before your country was able to rain global death on non-whites the way it does today.
Dutch banks sponsored your independence war, because slave owners who want to be free was something they could get behind and messing with the English who were their enemy and wanted to set slaves free was always a good thing for the Dutch.
Dutch politicians keep talking about the good old “Golden Age of the Netherlands,” , and how we the Dutch people should go back to that. (And you just know all of the atrocities mentioned above are what they refer to.) Very similar to the way trump talks about making America great again.
Another thing the Dutch and the Americans have in common: criticizing a religion is best done from a white supremacist point of view. It doesn’t matter that the dominant religion in your country is against women voting, against euthanasia, against abortions, wants state executions brought back from the dark ages and has it’s clergymen fucking children every chance they get.
No, because these things are mostly brought forward by white people, so the Dutch prefer to get upset with religions that better fit their racially motivated agendas even though these religions hold barely any power in their country, like Islam for example.
Also, just like the Americans, Dutch people are very sensitive when their white privilege is being addressed: they cry, kick and scream a lot when someone tries to explain to them blackface is not the coolest tradition to have and pretty fucking racist. Usually, just like the Americans, they respond to allegations of racism with extremely racist replies followed by denial of any racist thoughts.
The Dutch are also equally fond of blaming foreigners for not adjusting to our way of living and have a strong tendency to blame their own unhappiness and failed society on others who just arrived here a few months ago, because well, I don’t know honestly, I guess rationality and logic are not our strongest suit.
Looking at the Dutch migrants around the world, the Mennonites come to mind, Dutch exports still living like its the fucking 1800′s.
So, what is exactly my point? Fuck the Dutch I guess, and call that a harsh history lesson if you need to.
If you combine the two biggest scumbag countries from the 1700′s in Europe, the Dutch and English, you get a supermegaconcentrated diabolical dick of a country called the USA, with pretty much the same kind of values (or lack thereof,) and a very similar white supremacist mindset.
Soon, just like the Americans, the Dutch might have a obscenely blond hairdo fascist in power, and the love bond between the Americans and the Dutch will be unbreakable. Enjoy it.
…and I feel fine.”
I’d like to thank Bram for his permission to integrally publish his harsh but fair assessment.